Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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