I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
