If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
