Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
