It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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