Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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