fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
