Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
