Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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