Nicole vs. Life
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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