What did we do last night that was yellow?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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