The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
