you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
