Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
