Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
