I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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