She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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