1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
