She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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