I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
