come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just tell him i said nine months
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
