i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
