none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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