Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am one with the molecules
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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