If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
