Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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