I faked an abortion last night.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
