How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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