Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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