I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
