States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
