The maid of honor just puked.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
