The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
