If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
