Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
