I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
