yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
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If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
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I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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