"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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