What a fucking waste of an outfit
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
