I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
