I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
