like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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