I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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