Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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