sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
