Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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