my phone needs a breathalizer
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
