My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
