I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
