So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
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he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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