do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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