that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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