my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
