This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My liver just had a heart attack.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
