I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
