I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
