It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
