AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
