It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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