i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
