I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
