My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
