Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
