remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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