you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
