I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
