remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
