I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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