I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
