just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
