I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
