wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
