just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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