The maid of honor just puked.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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