I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
