Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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