Yo dont text me then not text me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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