I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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