I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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