I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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