You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
