I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
