Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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