From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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