the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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