I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
