guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I will be naked everywhere
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
